I just want to start off by saying this was not an easy one to write. I’m stepping out of my comfort zone with blogging in general, but sharing things that I have been bottling up or trying to keep to myself for years is extremely difficult. Today I want to share with you some of my experiences with financial struggles, failure and rejection, insecurities, relationships, and asking for help.
Financial Struggles
Let’s start from the beginning; when I got my first job. I was fortunate enough to be raised in an entrepreneurial family, so my first job was working for my grandparents who owned a marine sales and service business. I started at the bottom when I was only 12 years old by taking care of the maintenance around the property and eventually worked my way up to running the store on my own on the weekends while the family was enjoying some well-deserved time off.
I appreciate every opportunity that was given to me because it allowed me to learn at an early age the importance of being financially responsible. Now, everyone wants to have a bit of fun occasionally, but overall, I was pretty good. I moved into my own apartment when I was 19 (a story for another day) and worked at Costco while I was in college to cover living expenses.
Thrifting became a necessity if I wanted any “new” clothes and my best friend, at the time, and I would regularly go to our favourite spots. It was fun! Searching for deals and different outfits was almost like a game or a mission. I don’t do it as much now, mainly because the few places around where I currently live typically don’t carry anything in the style I like, but at least I can take advantage of some good deals for baby clothes!
It’s now 2026. I’ve lived on my own for 14 years, which feels like an eternity, and I’ve been struggling to stay afloat for most of my adult life. Living paycheck to paycheck is not only stressful but it also drags you down mentally and can make you feel like there is no end in sight.
I’ve splurged on a few items, because at the end of the day you only have one life to live so you might as well live it, but there are times when I have questioned my decisions. I don’t go on vacations, actually the last vacation I took was probably 12 years ago and all I did was take a week off and go on a little road trip starting in Windsor and to Ottawa and back (if you’re reading this from outside of Ontario, Canada then to give you some perspective that’s only about an eight hour drive each way). I went by myself and honestly had a great time visiting the sights and spending a few nights away. But that’s it. No fancy or glamourous getaways, just trying to enjoy my life a little bit because I had been working hard.
Saving hasn’t been easy for me. It seems like something always comes up when I feel like I’m finally coming up for air; I’m sure you can relate. So here we are, still trying to pay off debt that has gone up and down like a rollercoaster over the past 14 years and now I have an adorable baby boy that I’m supporting on my own as well. I’m also making the moves for a drastic career change in the coming year that will not only engage my creative side but also allow me to remain present for my son by working remotely and building a sustainable life for the two of us.
Times I’ve Failed or Been Rejected
Have you ever been fired from a job or missed a deadline or even felt like you weren’t worthy of being a part of something? *Raises my hand. I’ve been there and it’s terrible. Feeling like you’ve let yourself or someone else down; wanting to go home, curl up into a ball, and cry for hours. I get it. I’ve done it. And it’s not always easy to get out of that slump.
I was working as a parts advisor at one of the car dealerships in town and out of the blue I got fired after working there for a year and a half. I poured my heart and soul into that job, working six days a week and a lot of 12-hour days because my manager had quit and I was the only person there to take care of everything. I learned the role and responsibilities of the managerial position to try to keep the department running smoothly, but in the end, they decided I was too young or maybe just not the right fit and they wouldn’t give me the title after having to interview for it. With absolutely no warning signs, I was sat down one day and told it would be my last. I was devastated.
Having dedicated so much of my time to that job and never being fired before, I didn’t know what to do. I will say that there was a lot of crying while I packed up my things, but after a couple of days at home it made me realize something. I took it as a sign that it was time for me to move on to the next chapter of my life, wherever that may be. After some needed down-time, I applied for similar roles all over Southwestern Ontario and received multiple offers. I settled on one in the GTA and within about a month of being let go, I was moving and starting a new job.
It’s hard to see or believe it sometimes, but I try to tell myself that everything happens for a reason. The negative experiences bring about new opportunities and help us become better people, if you let them.
Insecurities About My Appearance
This is something that I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. I’m not sure how it even started. Maybe it was from comparing myself to the other girls in my class in elementary school or maybe from feeling awkward all the time or perhaps from the ever-growing anxiety that I still deal with. If you didn’t feel that way, I can guarantee that you had a friend that did. And maybe like me, it’s something you still struggle with in your 30s. Will it ever go away?
Having a baby changes your body permanently and getting used to the new me is still a work in progress, especially since I was never happy with the old me to begin with. On the scale I’ve dropped all the weight I had gained while pregnant, which I’m super excited about, but there’s still a long way to go… My goal is to be in the best shape I’ve ever been in, and I don’t have a timeline to achieve that. I’m just trying to be realistic. I know it’s not going to happen overnight, or even in six months. I’m making progress and I’m looking forward to seeing what I can achieve.
I know the scale isn’t the end all be all, but it would be nice to be in the 140s (lbs) again. I hit just above 210 lbs while pregnant and have dropped to 165 lbs in six and a half months. I’m losing fat but also building muscle so the scale isn’t moving as quickly as it was before but understanding why makes a big difference for my motivation.
I’m feeling and seeing the changes in my clothes mostly; getting to wear almost all my pre-pregnancy clothes is an amazing feeling which I’m sure you can also relate to. The funny yet annoying part is wanting to buy new clothes but not wanting to waste the money because they likely won’t fit the same in the next few months as my body continues to change. At the end of the day, I’m content with how things are going and I’m hoping that as long as I continue to put in the hard work to improve myself physically that it will begin to alter my mindset so I can start thinking more positively about myself.
Relationships That Didn’t Work Out
I have my share of stories when it comes to relationships that didn’t work out. It’s frustrating—and honestly, exhausting. I would love to meet the right guy and live “happily ever after” but as the years go by my tolerance for people that treat me like garbage has diminished. And now being a single mom, I feel the need to be extra picky so as not to let the wrong person around my son.
Sometimes it feels like staying alone for the rest of my life would be the easiest path to take but that also sounds extremely boring and lonely. I’ve had a few relationships that I thought could be my last, but I always found a reason to end it. We’ve got one wanting to move in with me after I had moved out of town so that he could go to school, but the thought of living with him gave me so much anxiety because I couldn’t stand the drinking and especially how he would treat me while he was drunk. Or the nice guy with some major parental issues that he refused to face and had a glass half empty personality that kept dragging us both down no matter what I did or said to support him. And most recently would be the “father” of my sweet baby boy. We weren’t together long and in hindsight we rushed into things without truly knowing each other. I missed some red flags in the beginning, but his demons showed themselves after I got pregnant and I was not going to raise a child in that environment. There is of course so much more to these stories, but I’ll spare you the details.
I’ve got my fingers crossed that one day I’ll meet my person.
Asking For Help When I Need It
This is something I truly struggle with. For a long time, I associated needing help with failure. Growing up with that mindset is isolating, and when you’ve been let down by people in the past, doing everything yourself starts to feel like the only safe option.
But I’m learning that choosing to do everything alone isn’t a badge of honour—it’s just heavy.
Recognizing when you’re at your limit and having the courage to lean on someone else isn’t weakness; it’s strength. Letting just one person in can shift your entire perspective. It’s okay to ask for help, and it’s okay not to carry every single thing on your own.
I’m saying this to you, but I’m saying it to myself, too. It’s a work in progress, but we don’t have to figure it all out overnight.
If you’ve ever felt this way about any of these five things, know that you aren’t alone. Which one of these resonated with you the most?
